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Talk:Four Warriors Cometh (Remastered - Part the First)/@comment-2142396-20191013131354
I finished chapter 15, and I’m back with another comment, since I decided that I’d rather comment more frequently and not make my messages so lengthy. ;) We haven’t seen much of their interactions, but I rather like Tynek’s relationship with Wildfire. Maybe I’m looking too deep into this, but Wildfire became very good at understanding what Tynek wants to say with a just few gestures, so I like to think that they grew closer during the journey despite Tynek… well, being Tynek. ;P And while Sayna is not as close as with Eostre as she is with Groddil or Dancer, I still like their friendship – Eostre obviously shares a special bond with Sayna, evident by the fact that she allows her to ride her, and Sayna cares for Eostre and blames herself for what happened with her. They are almost like a big sister and little sister, and that’s pretty heartwarming and becomes sort of ironic when Pyralis adopts them both. ^^ Ooh, and as a hybrid, Eostre is capable of absorbing both moonlight and sunlight for energy? And since she also can manipulate both light and dark, I guess she’s one of those cases when a hybrid is more vigorous than the parents. ;) Does she have any weaknesses due to her hybrid status, though? Sayna and Tynek’s reaction to the news of Verdauga’s death was interesting, and it seems that their vendetta against Verdauga was much more personal than I thought if they practically consider their future journey pointless after his death. Yes, killing Verdauga had been their only goal for almost five years, but for Mossflowerians practically nothing changed with his death since they are still enslaved, so it’s a bit early for Sayna and Tynek to go off in search of their father. Yes, I know that neither of them want to become a king or queen, but Mossflower still needs them to bring down the Greeneyes. That’s another interesting point – currently, it doesn’t matter whether it’s Verdauga, Tsarmina or someone else sitting on the throne, because it’s not one ultimate Big Bad the heroes fight against, but the Empire itself, the system that exploits the many for the benefit of a chosen few. And the fact that Tsarmina is mostly absent for a good part of the story only increases this feeling of a more abstract, ‘faceless’ enemy. Once again, I like how you highlighted the importance of Sayna’s relationship with Groddil – when Sayna acknowledged that Groddil is like a father to her more than once in these chapters, my heart simply swelled with happiness. Groddil’s confession was such a raw episode – in the first version of FWC, it seemed to me that the main reason Groddil offered his life to Boar the Fighter was out of sense of duty and honor, but this time around it becomes apparent how much he is plagued by guilt and desperation, and that his task of guarding and guiding Sayna was the only thing that he considered worth living for – and now that Pyralis could take over that, Groddil was ready to die. Right now, Groddil has a long way to go, because now he has to learn to forgive himself for his past and live with it instead of endlessly trying to atone for his mistakes. Well, but now I see why Groddil’s soul power takes the shape of chains and why he views himself as a servant above all else. *hugs Groddil* I think I already said it before, but I’ll say it again – if you ever decide to write a side story about Groddil’s past, I’ll gladly read it, because he seems to has such a turbulent past, from serving as Ungatt Trunn’s Necromancer to finding Ignasa and becoming a Prophet, to single-handedly freeing Salamandastron and raising Sayna. Pyralis is an awe-inspiring character for sure, though right now I have dual impressions on him. On the one hand, he seems to be very judicious and fair ruler – he keeps a cool head during Groddil’s confession even before he learns that Groddil is a Prophet, and he seems to think that Groddil had already atoned for his wrongdoings, and he handled Sayna’s Bloodwrath like a pro. ;) Plus, he is very compassionate toward Eostre and the twins, and you can see that he means well. However, Pyralis nonchalantly adopting them as if it’s no big deal simply drives me crazy! It’s not even because Sayna and Tynek are adults by all standards, but rather because of his authoritative manner in which he makes such a decision without even considering their opinion. Yeah, Eostre is still a child, and Sayna and Tynek certainly need help and guidance, but Pyralis basically tells them, “You are adopted now. End of question.” *headdesk* You don’t just adopt people, Pyralis! Even in real life, you can’t walk into an orphanage, point a finger and say, “I want this one and this one.” Mainly, it’s his ‘I know better’ attitude that rubs me wrong and the way he quickly dismisses all of their arguments and opinions as ‘just a phase’. And even though Pyralis listens to Sayna when she steps up for Groddil and even wants her input on making her armor, he still treats her like a child, like when he simply picks her up and carries her along without a thought about how she might feel about such an arrangement. At least, I know for sure that I wouldn’t have liked being dragged somewhere against my will when I’m perfectly capable of walking! :o Also, I’m probably looking too deep into it, and this is likely unintentional from you, but I got an impression that Pyralis puts too much importance on the royal status? He keeps repeating how he made Bella a princess, and how he’s making Eostre, Tynek and Sayna prince and princesses, and it makes it appear like he values the status of a princess/prince more than the position of his adopted children. *sigh* Maybe I’m too quick to judge Pyralis – after all, I’ve only known him for a chapter and didn’t really had time to see him in depth. Maybe I’m supposed to treat him with suspicion because we’re viewing him through Sayna’s eyes, who isn’t very happy with his attitude, either? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see if my opinion on him would change… Whegg and Regina’s chapter gave me all the feels! The concept of oath-binding is an interesting idea – truly, it would’ve been criminally negligent of Bella and Warthorn to allow Whegg to return to Kotir without taking any precautions. I like how there are dozens different ways for the Prophets to use their powers in unique and creative manner, and it adds to the world’s lore. Though come to think of it, would Whegg going back to Kotir while oath-bound truly count as a test for him, since he has no choice but withhold his oath or die/lose his paws? That would be like holding him on a gunpoint, metaphorically speaking. And of course, almost the moment oath-binding was introduced, my rebellious mind began to brainstorm the ways to cheat out of the oath. :D Honestly, there are not many loopholes to abuse, since the bracelets’ reaction seems to be tied to the oath-giver’s intentions and not exact actions, and the oath-giver has to hold true to the original conviction for the binding to work properly. So far, I think there’s a chance to cheat the bond if the oath-giver purposefully words the oath vaguely so that it can be interpreted broadly and they can break it in spirit without formally breaking it… There are a lot of possibilities to consider there. Poor Gina, though! I can see now why her job is so terrible and what exactly Whegg had been protecting her from. You don’t use any of the ugly words, but I can see the dark reality behind Gina’s ‘job’ nonetheless. You mentioned that slaves kept for entertainment were considered among lowest of the low, but now I understand what exactly had you meant by that. :o And Gina was forced into this since she was thirteen? I guess she’s damn lucky to meet Stella and Whegg who had her back through all of this. By the way, Estella is plain awesome! :D I got an impression that if it weren’t Whegg who broke into Gina’s room but some other male, then Stella would’ve put her body-hiding skills to use very quickly. :o I also skipped ahead a little bit to the scene where Regina explains her position to the woodlanders to get the better grasp of it myself, and I have to ask a few questions. Regina says that half-bloods, criminals and prisoners a war all share her fate, but does she mean that all half-bloods/criminals/POW are turned into pleasure slaves or that ‘entertainment’ slaves are only comprised of half-bloods/criminals/POW? Amber and Warthorn immediately assume the first opinion, but if so, then wouldn’t all woodlanders technically be considered prisoners of war? Or is this term reserved only for those who actively fought against Verdauga’s empire? Then again, I think you stated that Embrien used to be a commander in Amber’s army before becoming a slave… Besides, from economical point of view, the kingdom doesn’t need as many ‘barmaids’ as it does other laborers, and if criminals and former soldiers are forced into this position, it’s too easy to imagine a situation with a Greeneyes soldier getting too drunk or too careless and the slave in question getting access to their weapons and going on a killing spree. True, rebelling like that would be a death sentence for any slave, but I can also imagine that there would be some, especially prisoners of war, who’d rather go out in a blaze of glory, taking as many enemies with them as possible, instead of living in dishonour. So, from this viewpoint, it would be more effective to only assign as ‘entertainment’ slaves weak beasts without fighting experience and sentence stronger beasts that can be considered a threat to hard labor – after all, you stated that oarslaves and quarry slaves are also considered lowest of the low. :P By the way, is there such thing as male ‘entertainment’ slaves? After all, if we take Ashleg’s word for it, about ¼ of the Greeneyes’ force is female. I see that Luna and Sandingomm got just the tiniest scene in these chapters, and I think that I actually would’ve liked to see more of them so that we could observe how their relationship evolved, but I understand that it wouldn’t be very exciting to write about characters flying non-stop for weeks. ;P Still, it was nice to see them, and Sandingomm choosing to stay with Luna for more reasons than just raising her chances of survival was a heart-warming moment. It’s pretty sad to see how much the dark spirits haunt Sandi, and I wonder if things would’ve been better for her if she hadn’t been Ripfang’s slave for so long, if she actually had friends and family to support her. It would’ve probably taken a Prophet to fully protect her, but if Sandingomm’s mind and emotional state would’ve been more stable, maybe she could resist the spirits better… Ooh, and there is the beginning of Fortunata’s sideplot that you’ve been teasing us with for so long! :D I actually feel sorry for Fortunata, since Tsarmina appears to be in the know about Fortunata’s pregnancy and she practically throws her under the bus there. I think it’s also pretty important how Brek notes that Fortunata sounds like a slave when she answers to Ashleg, and I think it goes beyond her being unhappy with being found out. Somehow, I can’t imagine her being very thrilled about having a child to begin with. :o Ah, Bane. *facepalm* I can easily guess why exactly Tsarmina forced Fortunata to point at him as the father – when you regularly get so drunk that you don’t remember what you were doing, it’s hard to deny any claims about Fortunata’s kit’s paternity. Though I’m a bit confused as to why was Tsarmina so angry with Fortunata’s ‘confession’ if she pointed to Bane herself? Or maybe I misinterpreted that subtle sequence of signs from Tsarmina and Fortunata’s responses? Come to think about it, Tsarmina only grew furious when Fortunata said that her affair with Bane was a mutual agreement, so maybe the original plan was to blame Bane of, ahem, harassing Fortunata, which resulted in her getting pregnant? It’s possible that in such a case Ashleg would’ve executed Bane and left Fortunata unpunished… If that indeed was a case, I doubt that Fortunata did so out of sympathy to Bane, as at that time he was just another soldier to her. I’d rather think that she wanted to spite Tsarmina, since she knew that the latter cannot allow her to be killed. Yeah, and Tsarmina stripping Fortunata of her status and sending her away could be punishment for her behaviour at the hearing, especially since Tsarmina’s phrase, “You should have thought of that before you defied me”, could be applied both to Fortunata getting pregnant and to her acting out. Gaah, I’m probably overthinking stuff there, though it seems like a very plausible theory to me. That’s… a very tangled plotline in any case. :o A note for the final version/further editing, though: the main conflict of Fortunata’s situation is that females in service of the Empire are forbidden to have children, but it’s actually the first time we hear of such a law. So when both Gingivere and Brek were so shocked to hear of Fortunata’s pregnancy, I was very confused by their reaction, because to me and most readers it wouldn’t be such a big deal. So it would be better to establish this law before that or at least detail it more in the conversation between Ashleg and Gingivere. However, if it’s true that Ferran is involved in Verdauga’s murder and that he asked for Fortunata to bear his child as a reward – and what you shared on DA and tidbits of later chapters that I’ve seen point to this so far, - then I see a couple of holes in his plan. It just seems rather… overcomplicated, should I say? I have a feeling that Ferran could’ve reached the same result without such difficulties. The catch is that females in service of the Empire are not allowed to have children as long as they are enlisted, so that brings me to the next questions: 1) Why did Ferran have to have a child with Fortunata? Couldn’t he simply pick another vixen who wasn’t in the service and thus free to have kits? Though I can easily imagine Ferran wishing to have a child with Fortunata exactly because she’s also a Necromancer, thinking that a child of two Necromancers would be exceptionally powerful, so that’s not such a big plot hole. Which leads me to the next question: 2) Why didn’t Fortunata simply resign? Ashleg says that she should have resigned if she wanted to have kits, so it’s possible. I understand that Verdauga would’ve never allowed Fortunata to retire, since she was his only Necromancer. But if Tsarmina sanctioned Fortunata’s pregnancy as I suspect, then she could’ve allowed Fortunata to resign after Verdauga’s death, either before Fortunata became pregnant or before her pregnancy became noticeable, and sent Fortunata away from the castle, somewhere in a remote place where she could’ve given birth. That way, her condition wouldn’t have been obvious, and there would’ve been less chances of anyone connecting her having a child with Verdauga’s death. Of course, at this point of the story I don’t know all the details of Ferran’s and Tsarmina’s scheming, so maybe Ferran and Tsarmina are just so used to rushing into a problem headfirst that they didn’t think trough all the possibilities, plus it’s quite possible that they lead a more complicated game and Fortunata being found out and punished is a part of it… These are just the questions that pop up right now. P.S. Oh, and I totally need to find a shorter nickname for Fortunata. Maybe Forta or Nata? ;P Just typing her name so many times in this comment made my fingers ache. P.P.S. *looks the comment over* Right, there goes my intention to make shorter comments. Well, at least that means that your story and characters are so engaging that I’m willing to discuss them at such length!